Not allowed to ask questions,
With no permission to meet,
Inappropriate of me to complain,
Or challenge anything, God forbid.
Words that cannot be traced back to you –
You have never said.
Glances and smiles exchanged –
All made up in my head.
Those soft kisses on my cheeks –
I’d better forget –
I am imagining it all,
I am completely and utterly mad.
Walk off me whenever you want,
Cut my tongue out, if you must,
I am helpless to do anything,
With the subtlety built on trust.
We can quarrel forever,
We can break up and stop talking for good.
But sooner or later,
In such a small world we live,
Our paths will cross…
We will chance upon each other,
Accidentally notice one another
In a crowded bar
While waiting for a friend or a date…
I will be in a short summer dress;
You can be in your stripy blue shirt
The one that you love wearing
With the cufflinks I once gave you
Hoping they will link us for life…
One glance we will throw at one another,
Only one simple glance without memories,
Spared of history between us,
One glance as if we have only just met
And have only known lust…
One glance – we cannot stop or help it –
We will inevitably seize being able to forget
How good it was to kiss those lips,
How good it felt to touch your skin,
How I was running out of breath
When you looked at me the way you did.
We swore never to speak again
But when passion comes back
There is no way out of it for anyone,
The only way is back.]]>
Tomorrow is Tomorrow.
I might never discover
What it is like
For me to be with you –
“You are one in a million!”
That you can wank off at the mere thought of me,
That you get hard when someone mentions my name,
To chain me, to punish me, to teach me,
To take me through a beautiful hell.
I found it all so romantic and wonderful.
You treated me like a man should:
A lady at all times but a whore in the bedroom.
And I have never even cooked for you.
Today you left,
Left me with a non-making-sense:
“I won’t miss you at all”.
You didn’t say it – radio did,
But you agreed, nodded.
Tomorrow you returned.
Couldn’t fight it, called it “addiction”,
Believed that “we only live once”.
I couldn’t stop you – you liberated me –
How could I go back into the cage
Of stereotypes, and imposed rules,
Abusive stability that kills our freedom,
You made me happy when I thought nothing could.
Not only physical but also a friendship of spirits.
Pulled me out of my fall, and I was grateful.
But today and tomorrow – especially tomorrow –
I knew you hated me.
Despised me for being here for you,
For being available,
For not stopping you from yourself,
Your lover, your mistress, your mistake.
You returned, but sex lost its colouring,
Lost its chains, charms, and its power,
Lost itself, lost us, has become pointless,
Asexual, tired, fake, foreign, alien, not ours,
Or in other words
Just a habit that we developed,
Like the habit you have with her.
When it was passion it wasn’t a sin,
Now it is.]]>
Spoilt rotten with irresponsible fairy-tales
About some prince on a white horse
On a mission to rescue his princess.
I wasn’t a princess.
I didn’t need to be rescued.
But… I believed. I hoped. I was romantic.
“He will find you,” Mummy always said.
“Who is “He”?”
“You will know it when you meet Him.”
I thought He would know too…
Happy bullshit fed to a hungry fantasy.
Moonlight walks hand in hand…
Master and Margarita. Almost.
Now I prefer dark rooms with all lights off.
And no stars outside. Please.
Flower withering in my vase,
Silently, and alone, stubbornly proud,
Exuding the most intoxicating odeur.
I bought it, and I am enjoying its death,
I have the right to.
Days pass, nights have already passed.
“What do you see in me?”
I was romantic….]]>
I have “never” said.
Thought it was not in my fate –
Or nature – to do it.
Fate has never been up to me.
And my nature only fate knows.
It was so simple, easy.
He was there – I was alone.
You can call it “a sin”.
Why not? I used to.]]>
On your soul made of sweet dreams, smiles and hopes,
On this piece of meat with jaded skin and jaded feelings,
Sliding downhill in life on a black run of its rocky slopes.
Proudly. You’re wearing a label of nature’s master,
And yet you’re a slave – abused – but fed and full,
Sleep-walking into unknown success and familiar disasters,
Politically correct and out-of-passions fool.
Proudly. Coward of a human that insists on being
With a detrimental inability of acting like one should,
Vegetable-to-be, slave now and a former human with no meaning,
You are just like all of us… Look around, and be rude.]]>
I firmly promise this to myself.
I won’t avoid looking at your face.
But looking into your eyes was a mistake.
That was how I lost control,
And you got power over me – and more.
That is how I’ve been heading for a fall,
And in our little game you’ve been leading in score.
You submitted me the way you talked to me,
Silently you talked to me, dipping your whole self into my world.
I sold myself for lust to you, the worst of all enemies,
Putting chemistry prior to anything, and all my character on hold.
Without my permission my neck received a tight leather collar
With a long solid heavy chain firmly in your hands again.
Without my admission, you were pulling strings back and forward.
Yes, torture is fun. But without fun torture is pain.
From now on, my body refuses to want to be touched.
Here I am signing my own lifelong plea:
There is no winning in our exhausting fight,
Just kiss me once and set me free.]]>
Naked I feel covered.
I feel more covered naked
Than when I am wearing real clothes.
Clothes are dull.
Clothes are for mundane people.
Not for you and I…
You are sealed as mine –
With a bright red mark of my lips
On your naked tanned skin;
I am sealed as mine –
With a promise of no promises.
I enjoy being disobedient.
You enjoy making me listen.
I enjoy you making me do what I don’t want,
And making me enjoy doing that.
Wearing nothing we are in bed and in a restaurant.
We are in a park naked, having a picnic.
Wearing nothing we talk to other people….
In each other’s eyes we are always naked:
A kiss and a touch is more than enough.]]>